Shattered image of girls

18 Dec 09 - There is a saying that goes something like: "Girls are made of sweets and sugar and all the nice things, while boys are made of mud and sticks and yucky stuff." Can't remember the exact phrase but you know what I mean. Anyway that image of girls that I've always had in me is shattered.

There is this person at my current work place whom I talk to quite a bit with, and originally I thought that she was a nice and sweet girl. I just found out that at the work Xmas party that I attended today, that she smokes. Horror and shock. The thing is this just reminded me of my ex LTR, I realized that she smokes as well. It just surprises me so much that someone whom I thought was pretty nice sweet girl, ended up smoking and drinking like a party animal. Somehow just makes me feel that girls have two sides to them, and you cannot really tell how they're like.

Maybe this is the reason why I'm pissed off with my ex LTR, because all the while in front of me she is so sweet and nice, but I didn't realize that she smokes!!. Makes me feel like she has been lying to me all the while. I feel a bit cheated. Maybe she just wants me to marry her, so that's why she has been acting "nice". I'm glad I didn't marry her, because I did consider that at some point. But after I decided not to marry her, and she started showing her party animal ways, I'm glad I didn't marry my ex LTR. Are girls really so weak minded that they would do something that literally harms their body?

Which makes me think back about something which I heard before, maybe Mystery mentioned this, that a girl will be sweet and nice to the provider, but will still have cheat on the husband and have sex with a lover.

Anyways, my pristine image of girls has been shattered, I still have my hopes out there though, that there will be a perfect girl for me. I have always had this image that some girls were nice and sweet, but it is just so shocking to me that for someone whom I had that impression can turn around and be someone totally different. Maybe I've still got a  lot to learn, about girls.

Not to say that all girls are like that, maybe some of them are as what I think they are. This just makes me all the more determined to find out how girls are actually are. Are girls mostly just stimulus response creatures? Getting carried away by the atmosphere of the club and starts to let loose and smoke and drink? Are guys also stimulus response creatures too?

Field report after 2 years of non PU

1st Dec 09 - I haven't approached in a long time. A long long time. About 2 years in fact, and today I did a direct opener. I noticed a really hot chick, hot pants, well tanned, body, cute face everything.. A girl that gives me the feeling of "Yes! I want her!"

As embarrassing as it is to post the blowouts, I'll do it regardless.

Me (opener): Hi, I'm XXX, nice to meet you. I just thought you look pretty cute and I had to come and meet you. Because, you might be a scary person right?

Her: (Looks flattered) I have a boyfriend.

Me: Do you want another one? (tried to say this in a joking manner, but obviously didn't go through that well)

Her: (Looks creeped out now) No.. (and walks off)

I felt really euphoric after doing this approach, like even though it didn't go as well I would've liked, but I did it! and she's one of those girls where I knew I'd never approach back in the days before I started doing all this. Too much butterflies in the stomach. But even now, I still feel the butterflies, but it is different now. Different in the sense that I knew the butterflies were actually excitement. I'm actually excited at the thought of meeting this girl and anticipating what might happen, and I knew that I'd actually feel worst off if I had let that opportunity pass by and not approach.

So, why have I started approaching after so long of not doing anything?

Basically just broke up from a LTR.

Also..

I think, I'm still on a journey to grow and become more and as cheesy as it may sound, to find out what love is all about.